It’s hard to realise I’m happy. It’s so fleeting it’s easy to miss. And if I stay busy or distracted I don’t even get to enjoy the sensations of happiness. But when I can tune in and come inside, happiness feels like a warm glow in my solar plexus.
What does happiness feel like in your body?
This week it happened at the train station. I was sitting on a bench in the sun with my young nephew. He loves watching the trains. “Can you see it coming? Tell me when you see it coming. When’s the next one coming? Can we stay for just one more?” he insists.
We see all sorts of trains. Passenger trains, coal trains, transport trains. Each with their own sounds and smells. But he also loves the train station itself. The stairs, the lifts, the tracks, the overpass, the people watching. For a kid who lives on a farm these are all novelties and curiosities.
But as we sat on that bench, I paused. To notice my delight in his delight. To enjoy the sun on my skin and the clear blue sky. To enjoy the moment of just being at a train station, being a part of the world, and being at peace with it.
To notice that warm glow.
And then we were off again. More steps to climb, more trains to spot, more places to go.
- What moment did you enjoy this week?
- Were you able to take in that happiness, or did it get lost in the busyness of the day?
What is happiness?
Happiness is not a permanent state. It’s not something we get to keep. It’s a series of sensations that arise when our needs are met; when we’re satisfied.
Happiness is not a series of boxes we can check. If we’re waiting the world around us to be perfect for us to be happy, we’ll be waiting a long time. The world will never be perfect and even if it was, our ego can always find fault with it.
Instead, happiness, satisfaction or contentment, is what follows when we allows ourselves to relax into what is, and accept what’s present, rather than trying to defend against it in some way.
(That doesn’t mean we ignore or resign ourselves to the awful things in our lives or happening in the world. Instead we accept that they are happening, notice our reactions to them, and then decide how to act.)
Happiness and the Enneagram
Every Enneagram type has a different but challenging relationship with happiness.
Types Ones, Fours and Sixes struggle to relax their need to correct mistakes, notice what’s missing or look for problems, respectively.
Types Two, Three, Seven and Eight can use happiness defensively, appearing optimistic and saying everything is fine, when they may not be truly feeling that way inside.
Type Five compartmentalise their feelings, so may only express happiness when alone, are talking about their specialist knowledge or are safe within their walls.
Type Nines appear warm and friendly but tend to have a very low level of emotions internally. So happiness may be a calmer experience, rather than enthusiastic excitement, which could feel too intense or that it might create waves in the calm harmony.
Whichever strategy our personality structure uses, it’s important to remember that happiness isn’t better or worse than anger, fear or sadness. It’s just an emotional experience, each with their own insights and wisdom. We need every emotion. Each emotion is key and shapes our life in crucial ways.
It’s important to recognise when we feel truly happy and to revel in that moment, but then to let it go, just as we would any other emotional experience. And allow for whatever needs to arise next, to do so.
That’s the end of this exploration on emotional development and the four core emotions. Thanks to those who joined last week’s workshop, I’m so pleased you found it valuable.
If you’re questioning your Enneagram type, that’s natural. There are many reasons for mistyping, and many people who are mistyped.
My free reflection guide helps you explore what might be creating the confusion—from stress responses to missing subtype knowledge—and find your clearest next steps.