The inner critic is a critical part of our inner psychology. Being able to recognise it at work inside our head, heart and body is crucial to being able to getting caught up in the story it spins for us.
We all have an inner critic. But it “speaks” differently for each of us. For some its the voice of a parent, for others its our own voice, and for others, it doesn’t use words.
However it appears for us individually, it serves a simple, singular purpose: to keep us in line with the rules it believes will ensure our survival.
These “rules” are created both by our personality but also by the adults we grew up with. Including our parents, caregivers, and influential adults from our school, church, television, sports, dance, and so on. Later on this can include our peers, celebrities, and global leaders.
What is the role of the inner critic?
The purpose of the inner critic is to help keep the personality in place. It tells is what we can and cannot do, feel, experience or express. When we meet its requirements it praises and rewards us, when we don’t it gives harsh feedback and punishes us so we experience guilt, shame, anxiety and more.
I had only ever associated the inner critic with a negative critical voice, but understanding my Enneagram type, helped me to see the inner critic is much sneakier than at at trying to keep me in personality.
What our inner critic rewards
Our inner critic has a binary set of rules, which says “you need to be X, not Y.” An idea I first heard from Chelsea Witbrook.
She described how the inner critic of each type demands that a person be something specific:
Type 1: You need to be reasonable, not irrational.
Type 2: You need to be loving, not selfish.
Type 3: You need to be productive, not idle.
Type 4: You need to be empathetic, not callous.
Type 5: You need to be perceptive, not ignorant.
Type 6: You need to be trustworthy, not irresponsible.
Type 7: You need to be enthusiastic, not sad/boring.
Type 8: You need to be strong, not weak.
Type 9: You need to be peaceful, not angry.
When we abide by our inner critics rules, it rewards us with praise, positive sensations and feelings that our type feels more comfortable with.
The inner critic can sound like a cheerleader.
The inner critic will do whatever it needs to to keep us acting on the positive side of the line.
It can use shame, anger, doubt and criticism to motivate us. It can also use positivity, logic and sense.
For Three’s it might sound like an inner cheerleader. Saying, “Be all you can be. Reach your potential. Be the best. Work harder and faster than anyone else. Failure is not an option.”
For Six’s it might sound reasonable. Saying, “You need to be responsible and do what’s expected of you. Think ahead about what could happen and be prepared. Don’t get caught off guard, people are counting on you.”
For Nine’s it might sound like the manifesto for a good life. Saying, “You need to stay calm. You can’t be angry as that’s aggressive and divisive. You need to make sure that people around you are okay and comfortable. Go along to get along. Chill. Just Chill.”
The inner critic rewards as much as it punishes.
Whatever the inner critic says, it will sound incredible reasonable and sensible to you. It will seem illogical, even stupid, not follow its directives.
That’s part of the inner critic’s strategy to ensure your survival.
Which means the inner critic rewards as much as it punishes. When we do what it wants us to, we feel sensations of goodness, positivity, happiness, relief, calm, certainty, and a sense of being in control.
Even if we don’t get the response we expect from the people we’re interacting with or the environment we’re in, we feel reassured by our inner critic that we did the right thing. Our inner critic justifies our actions for us, even when things don’t go the way we hoped.
It’s key to remember our inner critic is fueled by fear. Fear for our survival and our safety. It’s trying to protect us and will use every trick in its book to do so.
It can use shame, anger, doubt, comparison or criticism. But it can also use charm, cheerleading, logic, certainty and reassurances everything will be okay if we follow it.
How do we break free?
With practice we can start to discern the difference between our inner critic and our inner wisdom.
Chelsea recommended a detailed approach for getting to know our various inner critics and befriending them. Part of which is getting familiar with the words they whisper in our ear or the sensations that flood our bodies. I won’t go into detail, but here are a few personal examples.
I need to hear my inner critic cheering me on to consume more and hear it saying, “just a little bit more will feel better” and recognising that might not be true. Or when I’m vigorously, enthusiastically, pursuing what I want, the sensations of being in control might not be the whole story.
When we can catch the inner critic at work, we can pause to ask ourselves: what am I avoiding?
Each type avoids something specific. It’s useful to know what that is for our type but also for our wing and arrow points; what we’re avoiding can hide there too.
Type 1: Mistakes, being wrong, criticism
Type 2: My own needs, rejection
Type 3: Failure, disapproval
Type 4: Being undone, ordinary, inadequate
Type 5: Emptiness, not-knowing, incompetence
Type 6: Uncertainty, unpredictability
Type 7: Pain, suffering, limitations
Type 8: Vulnerability, weakness
Type 9: Anger, conflict, separation
The nine types of inner critic
The following descriptions based on Howe-Murphy’s are not designed to help you recognise your own inner critic, but to understand how each inner critic operates. And what it requires each person to do, in order to stay sated and feeling okay.
Of course you might recognise your inner critic’s pattern in here, and if so, please be kind to yourself.
Type One
The One’s inner critic insists they only do what is right. Their inner critic can actually sound like the voice of their key parent or caregiver, and requires the One to do what it deems to be right if the person is to feel okay about themselves.
As the One’s inner critic is quick to judge, that often leads them to be highly critical of themselves and others. The inner critic runs a “constant commentary” on what is going on around them filled with should-statements and obligations.
To start changing their relationship with their inner critic, One’s need to know their inner critic. Spending time every day writing down its messages starts to create a little distance from what can seem central. Observe how the messages are not invested in your wellbeing but in the inner critic’s own survival.
Type Two
The Two’s inner critic is quick to judge how others treat them. And it is very clear on which behaviours mean they are liked, valued and loved and which fall short.
For example, if someone they care about doesn’t take their advice or doesn’t smile at them over coffee in the lunchroom, the inner critic will tell the Two that’s evidence they aren’t valued or loved. That they haven’t done enough to be loved.
To satisfy the inner critic, the Two has to sacrifice their own needs, but doing so leaves them stuck in a cycle of resentment. To reduce its hold the Two needs to spend time alone reconnecting with what they ned, and then learning how to ask for it.
Type Three
The Three’s inner critic requires them to appear successful, and be rewarded for it in some way. Otherwise it tells the Three they are as failure and have no value. It requires them to sacrifice their authentic desires for outer achievement.
To reduce the hold the inner critic has over them, it helps for the Three to pause and ask themselves what is true about the current situation. What is really happening versus what the inner critic saying is happening.
Type Four
The Four’s inner critic rewards them for being “authentic.” That means abiding by the truth of their feelings. If they are sad, they must be sad, maybe even dramatically sad (or stoic or angry, depending on the subtype). By being dramatic their inner critic tells them they are being authentic.
The Four’s inner critic requires them to live in emotional turmoil. By trying to analyse their feelings or getting into action, they create some space from their feelings and their inner critic, allowing them to live more from the present moment.
Type Five
The Five’s inner critic insists on the Five being an expert of some kind. Mastering ideas, information, being a subject matter expert and knowing more than others on any given topic.
Breaking the cycle, requires the Five to get out of their heads and into their bodies and hearts, so they can be more present for their emotions and relationships.
Type Six
The Sixes inner critic requires the Six to be vigilant to what is expected of them and to fulfill those expectations. Constantly figuring out those expectations can be exhausting, but the inner critic reminds them how unsafe it is to not know.
The Six can reduce the hold the inner critic has on them when they remember what’s going well in their life, come into their body and start to trust their own authority and inner knowing.
Type Seven
The Seven’s inner critic tells them they need more. It requires a continual search for new experiences, material goods, or other forms of variety. It promises the Seven that it must keep searching for the one thing that will fulfill them. But the inner critic, and that need, can never be satisfied.
Breaking free of the inner critic requires the Seven to slow down, reduce the amount of events in their diary and observe what they are over-consuming and to reduce it, little by little.
Type Eight
The Eight’s inner critic requires them to be strong and in control. To always impose their control and truth over a situation.
To reduce its hold, the Eight needs to learn how to moderate their strength. To cultivate a voice that helps them know when to relax and when to take charge.
Type Nine
The Nine’s inner critic requires everyone to feel good. It tells the Nine it’s not okay to feel good if others are upset, in pain or uncomfortable. Stuck in that cycle, the Nine will continue the impossible task of keeping the peace at the expense of their own priorities.
(Nine’s may not “hear” their inner critic as a voice. When merged with others, groups or routines, their minds can be silent. They need to learn to wake up and hear their inner critic.)
To reduce its hold, the Nine needs to spend more time alone, away from the influence of others. Here they can start to tune into the other voice that already exists within them. The voice that knows what it wants and has the energy to follow through on making it happen.
Working with your inner critic
To change your relationship with your inner critic, start to get to know it better. Pick an area of life you want to make change in. Write down what it says about every aspect of that. Review the list, what do you notice?
What is the opposite of what it’s currently saying? (For example: negative versus positive, past versus future, hate versus love, focus on others vs focus on self)
Find an activity that is the opposite of what the inner critic requires you to do (or of what it says), and give yourself permission to start doing that everyday. Just a little. A very little.
A little everyday will start to create some distance from your inner critic.